Kill all the Apple haters!

Some people don't like other people, and I myself fucking HATE THEM!

ehh... ok, back to Apple. This what you should do with people that don't welcome our new cell phone overloards:

What They Say	What You Do
Baah! it is as expensive as the PS3!	Put a hitman on him. Make sure you pay him with the guys own money!
iBored	Force him into a big washing machine and start the longest program. That would for sure ease his boredom him...
No SDK?	Apply super glue to the latest Microsoft Platform SDK and tell him to shove it.
No 3G?	Get some explosives, hook the detonator to guys balls
700 megabytes is occupied by the phone's software	punch him 7300 times in the face, one for each free MB
No voicecall?	Fuck the Geneva Convention! Torture the nimrod with a hot iron
No MMS?	Torture him further with a goat tongue
No MP3 ringtones?	Make him listen to crazy frog ringtones until his head explodes
AT&T sucks!	Ehh...just ignore this guy. Otherwise you would have to kill half of the US population
It can't record video	Make the guy watch cellphone videos on YouTube until he dies of disgust
No Flash??	Hook him to a bench in a park where a lot of old people come to "flash"
No A2DP??	Take his wireless headset and poke his eyes with it
iDontgiveashit!	Lock him up in a room with no water or WC, but give him a lot of Mexican food and a large bottle of Gin
No copy/paste?	Copy/Paste the word "GAY" to his shirt and lock him up in a room full of our fine "marines"...
AT&T wont offer their usual "Wireless Phone Insurance" with iPhone	Cancel the guys life insurance, then shoot him
Nokia N95 is better and cheaper!	*hint* N95 is also quite heavy and can be used as a weapon *hint*
It doesn't run Linux!!	Tell him it runs BSD instead, and he will commit suicide...
I'm sorry, but by the time they catch up on the software side I'll be ready to move to another phone. At $600 for a phone that will last maybe two years it should have those basic features on Day one.	Help him to move on to his "next" life.